A flag, an anthem, a sport, and 72 metric tonnes of goose poop later - the Mayor of Lowell is a CANADIAN

My fellow Lowell citizens, please forgive me for presenting this most unpleasant dose of truth to you. If you love a good mystery like I do, then you must appreciate how sometimes the most serendipitous of events can lead the clever person down the path of discovery. Just such an event happened at the last meeting of the Lowell City Council. Being in my usual semi-concious state, something over my left shoulder struck me as out of place.

To the best of my knowledge of geology, Lowell is located in America - what on earth was the Canadian flag doing there? I woke my fellow councilmember Jim from his pre-meeting nap and inquired about the maple leaf. Jim helpfully observed that this flag of a foreign power had been in chambers "for a while now", but then he went on to assure me "it keeps moving closer to the center of the room." When I commented to our Mayor about flying the colors of a rival gang, he broke into song. Wha???? Then I realized he was singing the themesong for our northern neighbors. When questioned, he boldly told me that since he began playing HOCKEY since he was a toddler, he not only knew the song in English but could also pay homage to Maple-land in French. My baffled mind tried to take this in. First, what red-blooded American boy wants to play hockey and not football? Thirdly, pick any 375 people at random - and I mean American people - and offer them $138 to sing the Canadian National anthem and I guarantee your money will stay safely in the Mason jar you buried it in. One by one the facts revealed themselves to my agile mind. Mayor DeVore (we will get to that very FRENCH name toot suite) claims to be a Detroit boy. However, when I took a long look at his social media posts proclaiming love and loyalty to the Motor City, it was clear that over 78.5% of all the pictures he posted clearly show Canada in the back ground. To wit:

Once my mind became open to the Reality of Mister Cannuck Mayor, the evidence poured in. When we opened in 2002, you might see one goose on the Riverwalk and it was usually drunk and lost. All one had to do was explain which direction was north, provide a nice toss or kick and the Canada goose went back where it belonged. However, all that changed once "Mike" (more likely Michel) bullied his way onto the City Council and then into the Office of Mayor. These days a stroll on the Riverwalk is a slippery voyage of danger. I have seen small cars get stuck in the goose poop.

Every year more and more Canada geese come to Lowell to defile our parks, grass, and walk ways. Hmmm, every year Mayor DeVore takes more trips to "Detroit" and back. One does not have to be a math wizard to realize how easy it is for a French speaking, Canadian flag honoring, hockey player to put 3-4 geese in the trunk of his car during every trip back to the Mother land. How many trips? How many geese?

Does anyone else remember when Lowell High School had NO Hockey team? Is it my imagination or has the rise of hockey as a "sport" at LHS eerily gone up like a Bezos rocket since Miseur DeVore came to power? N'cest pa?

When will it end? Is our favorite "Detroiter" going to do away with football and turn the stadium into a hockey arena? How many more geese is this man going to smuggle into Lowell?

When will the Canadian flag move all the over and push the Stars & Stripes out of the picture? When will every meal in Lowell be served with baguettes and wine? How long before we are all singing "Oh Canada" in French? When will every man, woman, and child in Lowell truly understand "cross checking", "high sticking" and other Hockey Lingo? You can help keep Lowell American - send $7 in unmarked, non-sequential bills to my BitCoinVenmoGoFundCliff at Dewey, Cheatum, and Howe 208 E Main St Lowell, CA 49331