Lowell Woman Faces Chicken Cruelty Charges

Herndon is seen here with two odd looking chickens.

After receiving a tip from business person and silly shirt video maker, Cliff Yankovich, Kent County authorities surrounded the house of  Lowell resident Karla Herndon in a pre-dawn raid with the sole mission to shut down her "Majick Chikken Food Laboratory and Chicken Ranch". The 14 member team was armed with a 27 page Cease and Desist Warrant citing among other things; "chicken abuse", "animal cruelty", "sketchy science", "practicing hoo-doo without a license".

Herndon, a long time Lowell resident, is generally considered to be a kind and considerate person by neighbors who were shocked when the conditions of the Experimental Chickens were revealed. She was described as "compassionate" and "willing to share a smile or a kind word" by neighbors we interviewed for this almost true story. In what might have been an unintentional slip of the tongue, one neighbor described her as "a swell egg."

Eggs are at the heart of this story. Yankovich contacted the County after seeing, cooking and consuming what he described as, "A ridiculously large chicken egg" that was given to him along with some other items by the heretofore kind hearted Herndon.

"I am not the brightest knife on the tree when it comes to animal husbandry," Yankovich admitted. "But even to my untrained eye something was very wrong with three of the chicken eggs Karla shared with us this week." 

We invite readers to imagine the shock and awe Yankovich might have felt when his eyes beheld these insanely huge eggs.  According to his report, upon seeing the giant eggs for the first time he called Karla to question what in the heck they were. According to his sworn statement, "Herndon laughed with glee and proceeded to brag about her 'Majick Chikken Food' she was feeding to some of her flock of chickens. Karla told me she used a secret concoction with a base of HGH (Human Growth Hormones), steroids, A-1 steak sauce, sublingual B vitamins, and crushed moon pies that she force fed to some of her chickens in order to stimulate the formation of 'Jurrasic Park Style eggs'".

The photo below shows the end results of her potion. The egg in the right foreground is from a "regular chicken" and it is surrounded by the tampered eggs.

"Off the record", Yankovich said, "I think this whole stay at home business pushed Karla a little too far." 

At first he thought he was over tired and seeing things, so he went ahead and prepared one of the giant eggs thinking that maybe they were just regular eggs inside a really, really, really big shell.

But such was not to be the case. Yankovich carefully documented the giant yolk and overall huge bigness of the egg he prepared for his breakfast. 

"As I tried to eat this egg," he went on to say. "I could not help wondering how those poor little chickens could have possibly pushed something this size out of their bodies. At that point I was in tears and called the authorities."

CAUTION GRAPHIC IMAGES BELOW
MAY BE UPSETTING TO WOMEN FOLK, CHILDREN, 

AND CHICKEN LOVERS

Having heard of the upcoming raid using his connections at the Lowell Police Department, Yankovich was able to sneak onto the compound where Herndon had allegedly been conducting her tests with the tampered feed. He was able to get pictures of some of the treated birds while perched in a tree behind the Chicken Ranch.

 

This explicit photos show how the poor chickens were unable to walk, strut or generally move about after having been force fed "Majick Chikken Food" and producing abnormally large eggs at the hands of Herndon.

The abused chickens were gently herded into an Uber van for a comfortable ride to the Avian Testing Laboratories at Michigan State University where professors and students will be studying them via Zoom meetings. 

Stay tuned for updates as this story progresses. Yankovich has started a GoFundMe effort to provide housing and vehicles for the affected chickens. He requested that you contact him with your name, SS#, and a major credit card if you want to help him help them.