Dogfight in Lowell - Yankovich Sues Canfield For Harassment

WARNING: THIS BLOG POST CONTAINS IMAGES UNSUITABLE FOR WOMEN, CHILDREN, MEN, 
HOUSE PETS, AND PRETTY MUCH ANYONE WITH WORKING EYEBALLS.

Lowell, MI (edited 1:56 ago)

Things are heating up in the sleepy little town of Lowell, Michigan. It seems one Lowell businessman is suing another for harassment. Cliff Yankovich, partner in a jewelry store and well-known curmudgeon, filed suit today against City Councilman and fellow (multi) business owner Greg Canfield.

"What I have seen cannot be unseen," Yankovich told reporters. "Since Mr. Canfield exposed himself in that way, I have suffered a lot - I can't eat and my sleep patterns are disrupted. My REM sleep has been rammed out of the realm of possibility. My hands shake, I had to call in sick - so I had no choice but to seek legal remedy."

Investigation into the trigger finds the picture below at the genesis of the suit. According to a leaked copy of the suit: Yankovich claims "my eyes were seared and my breakfast tried to leave me" when he "innocently and with no expectation of being harassed by partial nudity" clicked his mouse to read a report about the latest Lowell City Council meeting and was met with this image:


The suit goes on to remark that "the sweaters worn by the other council members were mildly upsetting" and then continues "the full frontal assault on everything I hold dear came when I focused on Council Member Canfield - the one in the middle, and by implication the ring leader of this carefully planned assassination of the very things most of us hold dear to our hearts."


The "wanton display of chicanery and skulduggery by Canfield must be addressed in a Court of Law" the suit continues "and so the Plaintiff respectfully seeks remuneration in the sum of $8.75 - the full cost, including tip, for the breakfast that was lost." The final paragraph seeks "the additional sum of $3.00 in punitive damages" which sources say is the full amount allowed by law in such cases.




Breaking News: MLive reported talking to someone who knew a guy who lived next door to a guy who supposedly told TV8's Brian Sterling he had it from a "pretty good source" that Yankovich was really upset by two things. First, he did not approve at all of Canfield's choice of footwear with the outfit and even went on to say, "Hell - I would have loaned him my blueberry blue tennies if he would have but asked." Secondly, he was miffed that Canfield beat him to the punch by showing up at City Council in a dress FIRST.


And here is a commercial message - BUY LOWELL BUCKS - press play to learn why:




Do you think Lowell needs a crosswalk with a light to stop traffic?

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